Craigslist Jobs-Best Job Ever

Craigslist Jobs-Best Job Ever

I may have just stumbled upon the best job ever!

So, apparently in order to become a Head Lice Removal Specialist you have to a background check done and drug testing as well…and you can’t be squeamish, because whilst the lice don’t jump, or fly, you have to be able to be down with killing lice and be able to be around their scummy eggs every day…

So, I would surmise that it would actually behoove someone to be a doped up serial killing ass clown in order to work here…because who the fuck in their right mind would be able to stomach doing this anyway!?

Daily Diary Entry – March 8, 2013

Got a nice old fashioned lecture today on how Madonna doesn’t have an ego because she studies Kabbalah…I was in an interview, so instead of stabbing myself in the forehead with the plastic fork that they gave me for the grossly over priced tomato and basil pasta salad that I ordered, I just smiled and nodded most assuredly…why does this crap happen to me; I said a little prayer, prior to touch down, that he not be loony tunes and Santa made sure that I got those light up sneakers from the poor black girl across the way…it’s just not fair; I thought that I was in the clear…positive thoughts, positive thoughts…ok, I will cut you some slack because A. you sound like you are from another country, even though you have been here for 45 years, and maybe I can’t really understand you because I can’t understand you, or I do understand you, but I choose to remain in denial because that’s the dumbest thing that anyone has ever said, B. I want this job and I could probably actually do this job because I would be mandamnfandabulous at it, C. you are a fellow artist and you and I both know that we are all supposed to be nuts…

© Regan McCoy 2013 All Rights Reserved

Happy Hour

Wow, holy crap…Happy Hour at El Mariachi tonight consists of: $1.00 tacos and free bull rides…how can I pass that up…I wonder how many classy women will show up this time…mmm, not sure…most women wouldn’t dream of even giving up a face ride to any guy who actually frequents a bar called El Mariachi to begin with; let alone willingly spread their legs to jump on a germ ridden, slippery bull and bob around like a horny fuck monster in front of them all.  But, you never know…

©Regan McCoy 2013 All Rights Reserved

March 5, 2013-Daily Diary Entry

I look outside my window and see the old asian man walking again; every day, come rain, or shine, he is out there walking around.  It seems to me that he is always exercising his joints to  try and remain limber in his old age.   He’s dressed in his usual attire; the beanie, sunglasses, jacket, sweats and tennis shoes…up and down the stairs he goes…round and round the  perimeters he wonders…he always smiles at me and I always smile back; I wave and say, “hi.”  He doesn’t speak English, but who cares; we understand one and other…I look forward to seeing him every day…it’s my ritual now…and one thing always remains painfully clear to me; that whilst most days I have been inside waiting for death, he is always outside trying to soak up what is left of life.

© Regan McCoy 2013 All Rights Reserved

Emotional Abuse-Two Parents vs. One Child and No One Believes You

This goes out to any child/adult who has suffered from these experiences…I didn’t have anyone who could fathom what I was living through when I was growing up, or well into my adult years either…abuse is hard core…whether it’s physical, or mental; they both cut just as deep.  And I am not condoning physical abuse in any way, shape, or form but I personally think that mental abuse is extremely insidious because you don’t really have proof that anything was ever really done to you…so, it just sits there locked inside your head…and what I really want to address here is when two parents abuse one child…it is bad enough to be abused by members of your family, but when you have no one to witness what was done to you, and you have no one on your side, it can completely destroy you…from the inside out…

The message here is that you are not alone…I know that it sounds trite and once upon a time I probably would have scoffed at someone saying that crap to me too…but, it’s true…and now that we have blogs and have been afforded the ability to babble non-stop and peacock our expert advice all over the internet to anyone who stops by, I thought that it was high time that I at least chime in about something that may of service to someone in pain, or in need.  I felt very alone growing up because of the abuse that I received.  I felt like no one understood anything that was actually transpiring for me on a daily basis…I was an only child and I also was not close to anyone in my extended family at all either…so, no one had my back there ever…it was hard for me to get close to other people because most of the stuff that I confessed sounded completely insane to others…you know when someone is describing some random act of nuttiness performed by another and the person that is listening is thinking, “wtf…what did they do to deserve that…?”  Well, the truth could be: absolutely nothing…sometimes other people are just not right in the head…and that’s the truth; plain and simple…

What can be about 80 billion times worse is when the people who have been abusing you are phenomenal actors/actresses who have several sides to their personalities; who are well liked by almost everyone they come in contact with…so, the average joe would never suspect them of anything, because they seem like the model citizen to others…I even remember some of my friends saying to me, “Your parents are so cool; I wish they were mine!”

Now whenever I stood up to the abuse, which was almost daily, I was repeatedly laughed at and told that I was crazy, that it was all in my head, and that no one would ever believe me…both parents hand in hand; witnesses and enablers of one and other’s abusive atrocities…

That is enough to really weaken and disable someone’s positive belief system about themselves and the world at large…

So, if you are that person, or people…I say to you…I am sorry that you are living the nightmare and I am sorry if you do not feel loved…it has been a long, laborious process and journey for me thus far and I have come a long way, but I still have a long way to go; in terms of healing…I have had to subtract myself from toxicity by blood and learn to re-parent myself with no prototypes of a loving family whatsoever…basically what that boils down to is purposely orphaning myself and starting from scratch…

If you are alone for the holidays because of a parallel deal, I urge you to begin to try and re-align yourself and to try and muster up some kind of vision for moving forward in your life…staying stuck in it can get pretty ugly…and know that you are not alone…that people can sometimes do shitty things and yes, people lie/act and perform all kinds of heinous acts that others have no clue about; behind closed doors and for your eyes only…and I am sorry that you do have a clue about it; as I do…and please know this…you did nothing to deserve any of it; ever…nothing…absolutely nothing…and even if the whole world doesn’t believe you; I do.

Online Dating Woes from a Wayside Woman

When you turn the magical age of who gives a fuck, then some, & vine you give up and give in to online dating…and whilst I’d love to say, “fuck that…” I can’t, really…

So, yeah I guess you can say, “Craigslist for dating???”  Yep…everyone says that and yet nearly everyone has either posted an ad, or honed in on the ad department; so please don’t bother with the art of pretending to be above Lecherouslist…like I said before…you give in at some point…whether you just got tired of fingering yourself with a cucumber, minus the Tzatziki, or you were just bored from all of the boringness in your boring ass life and decided to try something new…you’ve done it, so get over it.

For women the wonderful losers of Craigslist are plentiful; ripe and ready to sweep you right off of your barbie broken barbed wire feet…because that’s what they expect you to show up wearing; ready to suck off the huge diseased cock that they just sent you via email a few minutes ago…what’s totally awesome is if a woman actually puts some thought into a well written ad and she still gets a pic of some idiots dick sent to her anyway…I mean really guys…I saw my Dad’s anaconda in the shower when I was a little girl and it scared the shit out me, so do you think that seeing a close up of yours + a hairy ball sac is going to potentially win me over???  Newsflash: most women don’t get all excited over that anyway…yeah, we’d love for it to be big, but we really just want it to work and work us over again and again and again and again…K. Peace.

I am convinced now after being the degenerate OK Cupid contributor that I have been in the past that this dating site is not just for horny losers, but for all of the guys in the world who are dead broke, don’t have a car, but still have their big wheel and who are still living in their mother’s basement, or whom are merely living out of a trash can somewhere where they still have wireless.  I mean, its free, right…

And Match.com…well, we’d all love to think that these guys are paying to find love so they probably actually have a job, don’t live with mommy and don’t expect a woman to be their sugar momma…all in all you just pretty much expect them to be less pathetic…think again…I actually had to call make a police report on a loser whack job from the paying dating site: Match.com; not Craigslist…yeah…go figure…but, at least I didn’t get killed: Craigslist -1…and I still also found horny scum balls that contacted me despite my well written, well thought out, non-sexual ad…it’s just par for the course on dating sites I suppose…

And it’s not all bad…the man candy choices aren’t all terrible…just mostly.

What most of the online dating websites do have in common is this list of massive black hole, blood boiling, vagina zipping turn -offs to women:

1. Many men post pictures of themselves in sunglasses; this isn’t the witness protection program hon; you are on the Internet!  And I can’t see your eyes, but you need to see my boobs…uuuhhh…wow.  Another personal favorite is the guys who post pictures of themselves from like 10 years ago…really???  Look, I am trusting that you are the dude in the pictures that you posted like yesterday, ok…and if you show up to our date looking like some jacked up monkey from the ghetto girl’s animal channel I am not going to just assume that you “aged some.”  Got it.

2. Photos of a guy and some bitch.  Yeah…I said it…whether it’s your current bitch that you lied about-yeah that bitch/your ex-bitch, someone else’s bitch, or just some random bitch; if you’re just that dumb to think that posting a picture of yourself and a woman from Hooters on your profile is going to actually attract the woman that you want to mate with, think again…no woman in her right mind wants to date the jerk who posts pictures of himself with other women…grosssssss.

3. Look I know that it’s super chic for guys to buy dogs to “pick up chicks” and parade them around town, but don’t you think that it’s a bit much to be posting the damn pictures of these damn dogs on every profile known to man…by a man…???  If you’re that ugly, yeah, maybe I’d date you if your dog was cute…like big maybe; not even really dumb ass…but, is that what you really want me to do?

4. And then we have the plethora of pics of these men rock climbing/belaying, NASA and you were in the fricken space mobile that went up, up, up and away…ok, I get it…you’re a guy…you like to do shit…but, I don’t really need to see 20,000 pictures of you and your action hero status…and in so many profiles it’s like, “I love to do flying trapeze out of my ass…I live for setting my tongue on fire and letting an ant hill run loose on it while my dog pees on my mental canvas…this month I will be running to Africa and back with a sweat pack on and 80 slaves that they dug up from the war on top of it… and on my off days I like to climb Mt. Everest and tempt the grim reaper to pull on one of my boot straps…just a little.”  Wow…fuck…I am fucking exhausted…I don’t have the time, nor the inclination to date you…you would probably be fucking my dog while I was asleep because you were bored and needed the adrenaline rush.

5. Nearly every male has to say that he “does not want drama.”  Are you sure?  Because I sure as hell do…and the fact that you just implied the cliche drama bit about women makes me like you just that much less pal.  These are the same guys that say that their exes were all psychos…of course they were…look, a grown man still sucking off of his mother’s tit to get a $10 bill to go buy a bottle of Mickey’s from the corner store would make anyone hate you.

I could keep going here for like years and years…the material just piles up…like dog shit on your neighbor’s lawn…but, for now I have said my peace…my piece…and that is all.

© Regan McCoy 2013 All Rights Reserved

Turkey Babble

The woman on the radio had me at hello until she said that people should start adopting turkeys…everyone should adopt a turkey…you know; instead of eating them for Thanksgiving…even when I see them running around loose on the mean streets of Carmel I still never think, hey why don’t you adopt a turkey…I don’t know…it just never occurs to me…maybe it’s semantics; perhaps it just sounds ridiculous to me…it’s kind of a big responsibility to adopt a dog…or a cat…now, if I did adopt a turkey…well…I guess it makes sense…he could just live in my shower until the oven was ready.

©Regan McCoy 2012 All Rights Reserved