A Woman’s Job

A woman’s job is not to wear lace, wear high heels, or shave her pussy, for a man…a woman’s job is not to exist solely for a man, because that would be distinctly depressing.  I don’t wake up every day thinking, gee how can I make myself uncomfortable as hell, for a man…hey here’s an idea, why don’t you guys wear high heels, and shave your balls, and then see how you like it.

 

©2013 Regan McCoy All Rights Reserved

Watching Sports

Watching sports is so boring that I would rather shoot myself in the head and bleed out all over my Monopoly money.  And why is it that guys online always ask you if you’re into watching sports??? No, ass wad, I’m not into watching sports, because I am a woman and I’d rather beat you at them in person.

©2013 Regan McCoy All Rights Reserved

Paper Money

You know what is completely asinine?  Paper money.  Oh, we’re in debt?  Really???  Um, well ok, why don’t you just print some more paper money and then we’re all good…I mean for real??  WTF!?  People are killing themselves and other people because they don’t have enough paper money to pay the bills?  People are working dead end jobs to make paper money to pay the bills?  The IRS takes all of your paper money away to pay for the government’s fuck ups?  Really!?  It’s PAPER people.  Hey, guess what…fuck you.  I am going to take a leaf from the plant in the hallway of this hotel, wipe my ass with it and call it money, and then I’m going to pay you to go fuck yourself with it.  

©2013 Regan McCoy All Rights Reserved

The Monterey Peninsula – The Real Review

I fondly refer to the Monterey Peninsula as Bermuda Triangle dos.  The Monterey Peninsula is full of people who are going absolutely nowhere, or who want to purposely disappear because they are tired of being somewhere.

This is no place to further your career, unless you are into ass clownery, or aquatics.

This is no place to date unless you want to date the same two guys that are left here because they could not make it in hell.  You would find many more prospects, and infinitely better ones, at the boys town YMCA.

There is no night life here whatsoever, so please don’t plan on going out unless you want to go to the same two places over and over and over and over and over and over again.  And not unless you want to listen to the same music (jazz, or blues) over and over and over and over and over and over again.  Do not plan on a sophisticated atmosphere, or sophisticated clientele either; plan for the same two guys that I mentioned before, tourists who want to “screw you while they’re here,” or a plethora of beer guzzling military boys who want to “screw you while they’re here.”  Either way you are absolutely screwed while you’re here.

There is nowhere to shop here either.  Our main shopping mall consists of Claire’s and a bunch of sub-par clothing/shoes/accessories that look like they belong on people who are dumb as shit about fashion and wouldn’t know fashion forward anything if it hit them in the head.

Our weather is fucking retarded.  It’s completely backwards.  All of the locals laugh at the tourists who come in the summer because we have the worst weather in the summer and the best weather in September/October, etc.  You have to wear tons of layers whenever you go out because it will be sunny on one side of the street, cloudy & rainy on the other side, and then windy in the middle.

They took the carousel away, so as far as I am concerned the entertainment is gone.  You can go the aquarium if you want, but unless you like kids-which no one does-you will hate it.

The next person who says to me, “Oh, but it’s so beautiful here” is going to get served a plate full of shut the fuck up, along side some of our well known clam chowder, and a spoon to gag themselves with.

It is a well known saying amongst the people who grew up here that so and so “got out.”    Or they that so and so left, but somehow came back and are ready to kill themselves at a moments notice.  You know where they also say that?  JAIL.

All that being said, the one thing that I can recommend with complete confidence, is the ample amount of scenic areas that there are here to come and off yourself at.

So, come one, come all…just be sure that you have a round trip ticket to get the hell out of here after you’ve had your fill.

©2013 Regan McCoy All Rights Reserved